Tag Archives: anxiety

Parental Anxiety – A Haiku

Image Credit: jrlawfirm.com

Image Credit: jrlawfirm.com

The birth of a child

Brings turbulent emotions

For fear of failure

~~ D. R. DiFrancesco ~~

Recapturing Innocence

By D. R. DiFrancesco

~

I found a place,

Deep inside me,

Warm and comforting,

Something I thought I’d lost.

~

So many years ago,

Innocence shielded me,

Harbored my emotions,

Enveloped me in the simplicity of youth.

~

Age changed,

I let my gentility drift off,

Replacing it with cynicism,

Spoiling the wonder of me.

~

The world didn’t change,

It is still just as wondrous,

Instead it was me that was corrupted,

My skepticism and pessimism changed my view.

~

Looking for the worst,

My fellow man could not be trusted,

Conniving and deceitful by nature,

I lost sight of the decent.

~

My perception flawed,

Skewed by life experience,

Taken as the standard bearer,

Distorting my future interactions.

~

Mistrust instills bitterness,

Fear of the worst is all consuming,

Depression and anxiety take root,

Trapping ugliness inside.

~

Tired of the sadness,

No longer recognizable,

It was not me in the mirror,

Rather a shell of who I was.

~

With eyes wide,

I looked deep,

Straining to find the innocent me,

Drawn to tears by the time I’d lost.

~

There is joy in letting go,

Finding good in what surrounds me,

Purging the cynic and skeptic,

Anchors that weighed me down.

~

I have found that place,

Pleasing to my body and soul,

Lost so many years ago,

To the ravages of maturity.

Image credit: citizenshift.org

Mind Games

Sorrowing Old Man – Vincent Van Gogh – 1890

By D. R. DiFrancesco

~~

Drifting away,

Drowning in a sea of desperation,

Grasping for a life ring of sanity,

Just out of my reach.

~

I look within,

A swirling cyclonic mess embodies me,

Unrefined shapes and forms,

Seeking to undermine me at every turn.

~

This Impenetrable darkness,

That neither sun nor joy can imbue,

Why have I been cursed with this plague,

Delivering pain to the four winds of my soul.

~

Overwhelming sadness clutches me to her bosom,

Offering me nothing but anguish,

Have I not been tormented enough,

Stripped and laid bare to the elements.

~

God and science offer no comfort,

For the troubled mind worships it’s own demons,

I have prayed to exercise them,

Yet found the only panacea is time.

~

With night, slumber offers me respite,

Time for healing,

Calm for the erratic mind,

Hope for a clearer perspective at dawn.

Insecurity

By D. R. DiFrancesco

If only you could hear my thoughts

The aspirations I have for you

The love I feel for you

Would you be surprised

I have always been an idealist

For myself and those I cherish

Only yearning for the best for you

Taking pride in your little accomplishments

Offering up praise when you interrogate yourself

Anxiety and self-doubt were carefully sheltered from view

Constantly scratching and clawing,

Tearing up your insides in an attempt to escape

You kept them so well hidden

Your inner child cried for approval

I could not help but answer

I’ve always been susceptible to your tears

Drawing you close

Imbibing your insecurities

Reassuring your soul that you are worthy

This is not who you are

Looking in the mirror

You don’t see what I see

You are beautiful

You are unique

You are you

*Image from confident1.com

Torment Under the Big Top

By D. R. DiFrancesco

The circus arrived many years ago,

Staking claim to hallowed ground that was not their own,

Jugglers, acrobats, circus clowns fragmenting your mind,

Side shows of a freakish nature.

Your thoughts being tossed,

Like so many rainbow colored balls,

Blurred and spinning round and round,

Distorting the line between what’s real and what’s fantasy.

Unsure of who you are,

Whirling dervish’s do cartwheels upsetting your equilibrium,

Stumbling and falling you struggle to regain composure,

Putting on a show for the horde.

You paint on your happy face,

Trying to shut out the worry with jokes, laughter and slight of hand,

Insecurity and despondency boo at you from the  crowd,

While secretly you crave the drugs that keep you sane.

Yet the show must go on,

Since life doesn’t stand still for you,

Under your big top of antidepressants,

You cope as best you can.

Each day brings a new performance,

Crowds of onlookers hoping for a fall,

But you won’t give them the satisfaction,

Instead you maintain your balance on the tightrope that is your existence.

Disturbed?

White noise

Distorting my senses

Images like flashbacks fill my mind

Thoughts, past, present and future

Blur the lines between fantasy and reality

Sanity or insanity

Who is to say which is which

Its difficult to tell anymore

Dreams materialize in painful rushes of sound and color

Awake…No rest, can’t sleep

Unfolding into vivid nightmares

They seem so real

Glimpses of my innermost fears

Each breath becomes more labored

Struggling to claw back to consciousness

I can feel the blood pulsing through my veins

Rapid, it battles to sustain me

The pounding in my head clouds my vision

Strong burnt coffee the medicine

Nerves steady…Fog recedes

Jarred back to life  by the caffine

Another day of subsistence

Endeavoring to crawl out of the darkness

Alone and lonely.